Funny Matrimonial Ads Real Fun

Funny Matrimonial Ads (Real Fun)

These are ads taken from actual matrimonial sites – guys searching for brides. Grammar and spell errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this…..
hello….
My name Arthi….. i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy to marry me soon…. who may be in the same caste . If anyone want to Marie to me u
can visit to my home (Ghar Chale aana……..???)

Hello
To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don’t have female, I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart…when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar
I want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework (Homework?)

Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you (The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
She should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have one brother and one sister. she should be educated. (ain’t it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i
love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ……..hold my hand forever !!! (The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
I am simple boy.I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot lot (I don’t know why but this is one of my favorites)

My wife should be as ‘Shivani’ as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT…… (Ok I haven’t seen these soaps but I am sure he must be demanding too much,ain’t he?)
I want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast (by not wearing her jeans? Wat the hell…)
HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY ,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD
AND CCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE
1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH. (all of us are loughing{laughing})

2. Whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she would be called the woman of the lamp (I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants)

I love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok (I am again clueless but I liked the use of “ok”. The person is suffering from “Ok-syndrome”)
HI I AM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V  AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK (the “ok syndrome” again)

I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother sister complity marred (somebody please explain in comments section how to get married ‘completely’?)
I am very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. iam doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist. (actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailor.??)
My name is muhamad and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes (height of desperation! J )
I want one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she havea frank she’s skin colour ‘normal’not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR. bye
bye. )
Iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred. (No comments)
I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON ’T HAVE ANY HABIT. (maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
My colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service (Zebra..???)
I’m looking out for who lives in bombay , girl simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY. (Now that criterion is a must, isn’t it?)

To be married on jun-2009 working woman perferable (this guy has fixed the marriage date too! But he is yet to find a bride.I wish him best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure he will get one soon.)
I would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure. because girl is the maharani. (Now she is going to be a lucky girl! Any takers?)
ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present. (Any takers again?)

Cant Stop Laughing!!, Fun, Jokes, Man v/s Woman, Matrimonial, Recommended. Tags: Ads, Cant Stop Laughing!!, funny, Man v/s Woman, Marriage, Matrimonial, Matrimonial Advertisements

Office exercises to avoid sleep

Office exercises to avoid sleep !!

To avoid sleep…

Follow like this to ease your neck & shoulder pain

Wa..wa.. aaa

Move to the right and then to the left

After that, move to the left and then to the right

Just follow. Don’t force yourself to do 360 degrees, 180 degreeswill do. Bend down a bit like you gonna faint. Repeat a few times till you’re bored

Grab anything on your desk and smash your head hard. If you are still sleepy smash harder

After that move your feet and swing your body a bit like this. Do it like
it’s nobody’s business and remember to smile

Move your feet and body just a bit like this…. Do it like there’s no problem at all…

And now more aggressive! Don’t bother about what others say

Let go of all your stress….

If your boss ask what you are doing, move your head slowly like this and tell them you’re dying in the office

When your boss walks off, get your colleague to join you and move your body like this. The more the merrier…

Finally, dance like a cat

If you are still sleepy despite all these, just grab your small pillow  and sleep under your desk (at your own risk)

Watch You tube video On Your TV Without Internet Connection

Prepare You tube Stickers 

Stick The sticker on your TvNow Your You Tube video is Ready on your TV  

Just for Fun  funny tips day

Have a nice Day

Tongue Twisters

Tongue twisters from the world's largest collection of tongue twisters (many with English translations)

Try to twist your tongue

Here are a few tongue twisters for you.Try to read them aloud as fast as you can :)

1. If you understand, say "understand" . If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand". How do I understand that you understand? Understand!

2. I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.

3. Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.

4. A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.

5. Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People

6. If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?

7. I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.

8. Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"

9. Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to Mr Outside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. Mr Outside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.

10. SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES

11. The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.

12. If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?

"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"

13. We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.

14. Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.

15. A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue

16. If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.

17. Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.

Not all tongue twisters are as short as these. In fact the Peter Piper and Seashells twisters above come from longer tongue twister poems. 

Funny Out Of Office E-Mail Auto-Replies

Funny Out Of Office E-Mail Auto-Replies

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position .


2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.


3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.



4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management


5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.


6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.


7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'

( The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).


8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.


9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.


10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.


11: I've run away to join a different circus.


AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:


12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.

When I return, please refer to me as ' Loretta' instead of 'Steve '

Have a nice day

HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE


ATTITUDE :

1. Open a new file in your PC .


2. Name it "Boss "

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN

5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"

6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

7. Feel better?

Have a nice day

7 Habits of highly successful people

7 Habits of highly successful people

1.Make money

2.Make some more money

3.Make lots more money

4.Make even more money

5.Keep making money

6.Don't stop making money

7.Repeat steps 1 to 7

How to learn your boss's language

How to learn your boss's language

Do you want to impress or confuse clients or Vice versa?.........use
Techno vocabulary.. It can be called the "Buzzword" writing method.
It is simple.

There are three columns of words involved, as follows:

0. Balanced 0. Management 0. contingency
1. total 1. Organization 1. Hardware (or software)
2. integrated 2. reciprocal 2. projection
3. compatible 3. monitored 3. time-frame
4. synchronized 4. digital 4. concept
5. optimal 5. modular 5. programming
6. responsive 6. transitional 6. mobility
7. functional 7. Incremental 7. capability
8. parallel 8.third-generation 8. flexibility
9. systemized 9. policy 9. options

Just select any three-digit number; then use the corresponding
Buzzwords
from the above grid, e.g., 257: "integrated modular capability". Don't
worry if it doesn't make sense to you; it won't mean anything to
anyone else either, but they'll think you're just smarter than they
are so they won't say anything!! ..


You can propose "systemized reciprocal options" (929) to achieve
"optimal transitional flexibility" (568), so that we can think of an
"integrated monitored projection" ..............

All the best...

Three funny ways to find if you are ready for marriage

Three funny ways to find if you are ready for marriage

This one is for all those, who have been bluffed by their partners, that they are ready for the Big 'M'. Believe me you can always fool yourself to think that you are, but there are some Scientific Techniques of finding out the truth.

So it's simple now, just follow any of these listed techniques to find if you are ready for marriage, and find it for yourself.

1: The Room Trap Method
Method Summary: This is a very easy and efficient way to find out. Here's how you can do it.

One fine day enter into your bedroom, take a big iron lock, and lock your room from inside. and then throw the key outside from the window. make sure that you don't have anything of interest with you in the room. No laptops, mobile,etc...

Now if you are able to stay in that room, without any problem, till someone discovers that you have been in that room for last 2 days, without any food, water and entertainment. It means that you are ready to Go!

Else, if you start feeling TRAPPED! and you start crying for help, you want to get out, but you have no key and you feel helpless....then you have got it, it's what the marriage is all about! stay away from it

2: The Credit Card Abuse Method
Method Summary: On one fine day go to a busy market street, and drop your credit card on the road and you are all set, just come back to home. and sit relaxed for month, and wait for your credit card statement to come.

Now please go through the bill and details of how your credit card got abused. If you can take all this and still smile and are in position to pay the bill, then you are ready! just say those words "I do"

Else please understand that your credit card will be abused like this for the rest of your life, and you will have to take all this with a smile on your face. so think twice before you do the DO!
3: The Chewing Gum Method
Method Summary: A very simple, quick but effective Method. Go to your nearest super store and buy a single chewing gum. Now put into your mouth and start chewing it, enjoy the sweet flavored juices, which will flow in your mouth for sometime, then the chewing will start turning tasteless, and bland. now you will be tempted to spit the gum and replace with a fresh one. so the real test starts now. You have to keep chewing that gum for the rest of the day. no sweetness, no artificial flavors, no juices, Just a piece of rubber in your mouth.

If you can do it successfully, then the gates of marriage are open and also welcoming you in. Else, some relationships can become like a stale chewing gum, and you have to get used to them, before you get into them.


Hope the above mentioned Methods, will help you to take this important decision of life. These Methods are certified by ISO 2008 Indian Govt Quality Process. Please note that the govt. officials were not bribed to get this done!

Ten funny truths of life

Here is a list of ten funny truths of life

1> If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.







2> Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.







3> When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.







4> If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.







Especially for Students----
5> If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.







6> You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.







7> The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.







8> After a long wait for bus, two buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be more crowded than the other.







9> If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.







10> Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker